Psalms 90:12 (NKJV) – Teach me to number my days so that I may gain a heart of wisdom.
Lately I have been thinking about the latter years of my life and how things will be when I can no longer go to work in the conventional sense of the word. I have also been pondering on what aging gracefully really means and how one can achieve such a thing. Either because of having more encounters with elderly people or just having lost my parents in law about 3 years ago, these experiences have led me to considering the eventualities of these realities.
Sometime ago, a handful of ladies and I, visited a former high school mate to celebrate a birthday with her. It was a pleasant afternoon, albeit cold. We spent the afternoon recounting memories, hopes and stories of our lives. We don’t often get a chance to meet and share, so there was a lot to talk about. Incidentally our school mates mum, happened to be around and sat with us as we celebrated our friend. In the course of discussion, she asked as a very weighty question. You see, one of her relatives, an elderly wealthy man, had been ailing for some time and even spent some time at the hospital. However, none of his children, whom he had taken care of rather well and even assisted to settle in well established businesses, had not even once, come to visit him during his illness. Culturally, this seems rather irregular even for me who was brought up in the city. This was clearly disturbing to our friend’s mum just as it would be to you and I. She asked the question, why wouldn’t they visit with their own father and show concern for him when he was sick? We all had different explanations to why this may be transpiring in our generation (Gen X and Millennials). It seemed to us to be a great contrast to how we grew up where caring for the elderly was modelled and demonstrated in our homes. Was the society beginning to be so selfish and uncaring right before our eyes? Were we powerless to stop this emerging culture?
It was good to listen to mum as she gave us tips on how to avoid these things happening to us. She had been an educationist throughout her working career and had opened a renowned private school. We therefore listened carefully to her, as she shared her wisdom. These days we hardly make time to listen to the older generation, yet what they have to say is so important and may spare us a lot of grief. Our parents often leave us so soon. Later, we feel that they had so much to give. These are some of the suggestions she gave us.
- Spend quality time with your children. Even when we may be busy out there working, create time for children to simply be together. Should the pocket allow, go out for a meal or even a holiday and just talk and do things together.
- Be interested in knowing how their day was daily. Find out how they are doing in school and how their day was at work etc. This requires as to be intentional about our conversations. Sadly, she said, teachers tend to know more about our children than their own parents. We may live in the same house, but we do not know who we are living with.
- Invite their friends over to your house for a meal or sleep-overs and spend the time with them. This way you get to find out what kind of friends they hang out with. This tells you a lot about your children and the choices that they are likely to make in life.
- The old way of bringing up children of giving commands and rules without comradery may not work in this day and age. Instead have meaningful conversations and educate children with life lessons.
- Be real with children, whether they be young or old. Sometimes we tend to portray a picture-perfect life to our children which is often not our experience. We should share our difficulties and struggles and even failures along with our achievements, victories and successes. Hopefully that will discourage them from taking the same route that can cause disappointment. It also makes us more relatable and they may feel freer to share their own challenges with us so that we can help or advise them.
- Keep a good balance of parental authority figures and friendship with our children. As they become adults, recognize that the relationship changes and in as much as we are still an authority, it will be more in a spiritual sense and not necessarily in giving direction for their lives.
- Keep prayer a constant in our lives. Pray for the children even when they are no longer ‘children’. Understand that we were just custodians for a period but their souls belong to God. What better way to surrender to God, then to commit them back to Him who gave them to us in the first place.
I’m sure mum had much more to share but time was limited and she had to leave. But one statement that she left us with, kept the conversation going for quite a while, even as she left. We had gone to celebrate with our school mate on a ‘fiftieth floor’ birthday. Mum told us unapologetically that we had only 10 years to work and put how houses / homes in order. We therefore should work harder now more than ever before. It was fodder for thought and action. Often times, we think to ourselves that as we get older we need to enjoy life and relax more. However, we must ask ourselves, what are we going to eat and wear after the age of 60 when we may not have the strength to store anything for ourselves? How are we planning to pay for medical bills and sustain the lifestyle we were accustomed to? This is our last opportunity to make something of our lives so that we do not become a burden to our children but a blessing.
This statement was of great interest to me because of the 3 years that I witnessed the painful demise of my parents-in-law. Observing aging in situations where there are limited resources, puts aging folk in situations with little to no decorum and it is so distressing to watch helplessly. We get so busy with taking care of children, family and parents that we forget that we too have sunset years to look forward to. We will either embrace them with joy or dread them based on the decisions and strategies we put in place today. Thus, the scripture that we began these thoughts with. Teach us to number our days ‘aright’, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
Psalms 10:15 (NKJV) He who gathers in summer is a wise son; He who sleeps in harvest is a son who causes shame.
Proverbs 24: 33-34 (NKJV) A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest—and poverty will come on you like a thief and scarcity like an armed man.
Scripture has a lot to say about these things. It may not be taught in churches today sadly as the emphasis many times is on giving to the work of the Lord. This is important and I wouldn’t want to imply that it is not, nor would I want to conjure that it is secondary to life issues. However, I know that there is a healthy balance that must be struck for us to be wise in the way we live out our latter years. One of the ladies in our company said and emphasized that we may talk a lot about what we need to do about the time we have left to gather, but if we leave these conversations where we had them, and do nothing to actualizes our dreams and hopes, then we will meet again in a years’ time and be at the same place. What a challenge! What a reality! What a truth! May the Lord show us all what to do to leave a better legacy for our children.
Proverbs 6: 6-11 (NKJV) Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise! It has no commander, no overseer or ruler, yet it stores its provisions in summer and gathers its food at harvest. How long will you lie there, you sluggard? When will you get up from your sleep? A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest—and poverty will come on you like a thief and scarcity like an armed man.